I want to say thanks to Obama for ruining my one day off, if I can sound typically LA (that means selfish, shallow and not making eye contact) and not give a shit about anything. The Zechs Marquise were playing a free show last night at Cheetahs to promote their new album.
This of course is Omar Rodriguez Lopez's little brother's band, an experimental experiment of musical stylings. They are heavy doses of outer space and funk, and energetic fusion and a bit of jamminess to 'em (unfortunately that's my best description) If you like the Mars Volta, and weird 70's jazz then you'd probably dig this.
They just so happened to be playing at nice looking gentlemen's club, Cheetahs on Hollywood Blvd. One I wouldn't mind getting an erection at and be seen out front with it.
To add insult to injury, I found out the presidential entourage only blocked of certain streets for about and hour and I actually could have driven to the show. Instead I got drunk and jacked off while all my roommates were home, then took a Benadryl at 3 am.
I recommend these guys. I think their album drops today, but you can stream some shit right meow. Zechs Marquise
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Redding
It’s first grade, where is Redding?
One pair of dirty jeans, thats all I need.
Hot, Sweat, A litter of retarded rabbits born with Half their bodies.
The mother eats them in the garage, the smell. I can taste them through the hot air.
I have a machete that I found in a hay stack, its all I need.
Abandoned mines, play with mercury in my hands, I name them.
Neighbors live in concrete tube.
I cut down the cherry tree, but I am not honest.
I wake up in third grade, I can’t read anymore, put in the retard class…wtf…redding.
One pair of dirty jeans, thats all I need.
Hot, Sweat, A litter of retarded rabbits born with Half their bodies.
The mother eats them in the garage, the smell. I can taste them through the hot air.
I have a machete that I found in a hay stack, its all I need.
Abandoned mines, play with mercury in my hands, I name them.
Neighbors live in concrete tube.
I cut down the cherry tree, but I am not honest.
I wake up in third grade, I can’t read anymore, put in the retard class…wtf…redding.
Manderes, the only thing in Folsom that doesn't suck multiple cocks
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Saturday, September 24, 2011
Boycott Sacramento
When I think of Sacramento, I’m glad I was drunk the whole time living there. There weren’t enough drugs or beer to officially numb me and redirect the mental pain of having to live there, to a more personal and physical pain I experienced waking up everyday with a hangover and smelling like cigarette butts.
Other than just living in Sacramento, there is nothing more draining, soul crushing and embittering than trying to get a career there. But for some reason if and when that career or opportunity comes your way, kiss that promotion on the butthole lips goodbye. Getting promoted takes an assassination, lymphoma, or most likely it just won’t happen. I refuse to believe its my raging drinking/ coke/ pill popping/ huffing/ reactionary/ anger problem. I also sag my pants.
But if you want a girlfriend that wants to get pregnant and that’s it, then this is the Mecca for you. Just go ahead and settle for unwavering mediocrity. Maybe Sac City council can paint a maternity ward black where singles can circle it and throw rocks at. But you’ll have stiff competition from about a million dudes that all dress alike. Besides I haven’t met one chick in Sacramento that takes it in the ass and loves it. I mean just hard core asshole splitting, shit and piss and blood on the walls buttfucking rape, love it (email me if you do). I’m kissing you goodbye Sacramento.
Again I was wasted the whole time on some shit. A quick drug side note, one of my friends gave me a pill that kept me high for three days then I just ended up shitting myself all over his military style cot. I never took that one again. But shitting myself isn’t the same as getting fucked up.
So I hold a fantastic grudge against Sacramento and all that’s within it, every little thing. So much so that I’ve decided to boycott it entirely. I am taking the boycott so seriously that I am working with the drug addled staff here at LanguageAbuse and our Hustler quality interns to draft a boycott letter in which we will present to the Tea Party patriots and random conservative groups to begin protesting immediately outside the municipal boundaries of Sacramento. Its not even worth protesting inside the city. On a more personal note, I have decided to never step foot in Sacramento again, so that means I am now boycotting my family.
It’s important to note that you can’t boycott a town you live in. Although that doesn’t stop the single cell republicans there. I once read in the Sacpress that a man living in Sacramento tried to boycott it. He drove to woodland to buy groceries or some bullshit like that. I think he tried to boycott Sacramento because the Sacramento City council drafted a resolution to boycott the purchase tazers from Arizona. This is the only case I’ve heard of where someone tried to boycott their own city. Only idiots of that particular breed live there. I hope I don’t have to recapitulate the grade A quality asshole that lives in Sacramento. So I moved to LA, finally, and now I can officially boycott Sacramento. The easiest way to do this is to not pay city tax on anything you buy there.
My personal vision would be to move the capitol of California to San Francisco or Los Angeles, you know a real city. I think San Francisco would be the best fit because the whole city stinks of shit and piss and is about as liberal as a city can get. And that would piss off the suits. But I’m torn, I think government leaches suffering from the brain drain and capital flight should just stay in Sacramento when it looks like the country Club Mall. I would encourage more people pissing and shitting in random places around Sacramento’s capitol and their city halls. I would organize a flash mob to piss and shit everywhere but I am fully conscious of the general apathy of everyone in Sacrmaneto.
The first reason I would move the capitol of California from Sacramento would be to totally crush that stable job industry in Sacramento being the political, marketing, lobbying, public relations jobs currently there.
The second reason is to further demoralize everyone in and around Sacramento. Real estate prices would plummet into Buffalo Bill’s well. The end of the flash fads would cease to exist (hopefully) ie whiskey, crocheting, taco trucks, second Saturday, businesses that fuse more than two industries (Bows and Arrows is a good example), businesses fusing anything really. The Hive, wow a coffee shop you have to pay to be at, that should die like a Dr. Kevorkian patient. The ultimate goal would be to see massive capital flight from Sacramento.
Hopefully artists currently living and “thriving” in Sacramento would stop making art. You’re pretty much all talentless and uninspiring.
I urge people to order things off the internet more, and savagely deny Sacramento of money like shady Jewish businessmen. This is just one man’s dream, my dream, to see the city where he grew up to be reduced to shreds like pit bulls fighting each other, and tainted with cancer cluster bombs.
Other than just living in Sacramento, there is nothing more draining, soul crushing and embittering than trying to get a career there. But for some reason if and when that career or opportunity comes your way, kiss that promotion on the butthole lips goodbye. Getting promoted takes an assassination, lymphoma, or most likely it just won’t happen. I refuse to believe its my raging drinking/ coke/ pill popping/ huffing/ reactionary/ anger problem. I also sag my pants.
But if you want a girlfriend that wants to get pregnant and that’s it, then this is the Mecca for you. Just go ahead and settle for unwavering mediocrity. Maybe Sac City council can paint a maternity ward black where singles can circle it and throw rocks at. But you’ll have stiff competition from about a million dudes that all dress alike. Besides I haven’t met one chick in Sacramento that takes it in the ass and loves it. I mean just hard core asshole splitting, shit and piss and blood on the walls buttfucking rape, love it (email me if you do). I’m kissing you goodbye Sacramento.
Again I was wasted the whole time on some shit. A quick drug side note, one of my friends gave me a pill that kept me high for three days then I just ended up shitting myself all over his military style cot. I never took that one again. But shitting myself isn’t the same as getting fucked up.
So I hold a fantastic grudge against Sacramento and all that’s within it, every little thing. So much so that I’ve decided to boycott it entirely. I am taking the boycott so seriously that I am working with the drug addled staff here at LanguageAbuse and our Hustler quality interns to draft a boycott letter in which we will present to the Tea Party patriots and random conservative groups to begin protesting immediately outside the municipal boundaries of Sacramento. Its not even worth protesting inside the city. On a more personal note, I have decided to never step foot in Sacramento again, so that means I am now boycotting my family.
It’s important to note that you can’t boycott a town you live in. Although that doesn’t stop the single cell republicans there. I once read in the Sacpress that a man living in Sacramento tried to boycott it. He drove to woodland to buy groceries or some bullshit like that. I think he tried to boycott Sacramento because the Sacramento City council drafted a resolution to boycott the purchase tazers from Arizona. This is the only case I’ve heard of where someone tried to boycott their own city. Only idiots of that particular breed live there. I hope I don’t have to recapitulate the grade A quality asshole that lives in Sacramento. So I moved to LA, finally, and now I can officially boycott Sacramento. The easiest way to do this is to not pay city tax on anything you buy there.
My personal vision would be to move the capitol of California to San Francisco or Los Angeles, you know a real city. I think San Francisco would be the best fit because the whole city stinks of shit and piss and is about as liberal as a city can get. And that would piss off the suits. But I’m torn, I think government leaches suffering from the brain drain and capital flight should just stay in Sacramento when it looks like the country Club Mall. I would encourage more people pissing and shitting in random places around Sacramento’s capitol and their city halls. I would organize a flash mob to piss and shit everywhere but I am fully conscious of the general apathy of everyone in Sacrmaneto.
The first reason I would move the capitol of California from Sacramento would be to totally crush that stable job industry in Sacramento being the political, marketing, lobbying, public relations jobs currently there.
The second reason is to further demoralize everyone in and around Sacramento. Real estate prices would plummet into Buffalo Bill’s well. The end of the flash fads would cease to exist (hopefully) ie whiskey, crocheting, taco trucks, second Saturday, businesses that fuse more than two industries (Bows and Arrows is a good example), businesses fusing anything really. The Hive, wow a coffee shop you have to pay to be at, that should die like a Dr. Kevorkian patient. The ultimate goal would be to see massive capital flight from Sacramento.
Hopefully artists currently living and “thriving” in Sacramento would stop making art. You’re pretty much all talentless and uninspiring.
I urge people to order things off the internet more, and savagely deny Sacramento of money like shady Jewish businessmen. This is just one man’s dream, my dream, to see the city where he grew up to be reduced to shreds like pit bulls fighting each other, and tainted with cancer cluster bombs.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The Titans of Kentucky Straight Bourbon
I would consider myself somewhat of a connoisseur of fine Kentucky Straight Bourbon. I have been partaking of it much longer than this so called current “craze” you see taking place. There are even many smaller companies making craft bourbons, many of which are very good. That aside, this is the guide for those that want to drink some good shit and wake up not remembering a god damned thing.
Ancient Age - 5/ 5 stars
What can you say about Ancient Age. This heavenly nectar from Buffalo Trace distillers is probably the cheapest Kentucky Straight Bourbon you can find, running about 5 dollars a pint. It is smooth, there are hints of oak char, seasoned lilac traces, cherry uppers and it finishes off nicely with a coffee/chocolate flavor. This is the best bang for your buck, by far. This is the drink to get because it repels all the assholes who want to leech off you because you were smart enough to bring the flask to the party, or bar (until they have a few drinks and their inhibitions are gone, at this point just tell them you already “killed it”).
Old Crow – 3.5/ 5 stars
A little more back woodsy with traces of embers straight from the 1600’s Native Americans fire, with mellow tannins that touch the inner core. Old Crow has a hard finish with a smooth onset, a real “party pleaser” and “pussy getter.” Don’t mix with valium or opiates/opioids or you will wake up next to a fat bitch, or in the hood, or in a bush. It’s very nice paired with nachos or am/pm’s McRib sandwiches. Holler at me if you buy a bottle and we’ll wash some down together.
Evan Williams – 3/5 stars
As the name implies this drink fucks you like a real gentleman. First he creeps in through your back door when you least expect it. Then he talks to you straight in the eye, and you begin to want fuck him (even though you aren’t gay) and you don’t know why. You guys have hardcore sex but you are fine with it for some reason, as his smooth workings and woman like touches hit the left and right side of your tongue “just right.” The next morning you ask yourself, “what did I do?” then you tell yourself, “oh, well it was so good I’d do it all again.”
Jim Beam – 1.5/5 stars
A little oaken/pine beginnings with mild baked vanilla overtones, wrapped in a mocha tortilla. JB ends with a solid bottle rocket of magic, a cornucopia of charred bacon, musk and chipotle. Jim Beam isn’t a very good date, he seems logical at first if you want to show up at a bourgeois party and not look like an asshole (see above choices). He’s the only one that makes you look not unrefined. Grab him for looks only, and if you are going to a crappy party, but try and high-tail it outta there and get some Ancient Age or some better shit or your dignity.
Makers Mark – 4/5 stars
If you just got paid and want to splurge on a decent, higher end bourbon go with MM. I compare good old Mark to the guy(s) from all those shitty commercials out capitalizing on being the most interesting man in the world (a la; Old Spice/Tecate); although I don’t fall for their corny marketing ploy, I get it. But Mark is the real deal, if you were a woman, he would be long-dicking you before you could finish saying Mar-. Crisp fall apple beginning followed by subtle piratesque oceanic/wooden plank middles, ending with a grilled coconut/eucalyptus experience!
Old Grand Dad – 4.5/5 stars
I guess “daddy knows best,” some may say, and I would have to agree. Not all places have daddy, but if your local liquor establishment knows their classics they will carry this fine beverage (If not Rite Aid carries it). Be careful with this one, trust me. Its good paired with hard drugs and at least 2 girls. If you are with other guys try and ditch them some how, if all goes planned you will have a great night. Tell the girls that the guys hanging around you got really high one night and fucked each other and one gave the other herpes, just make something up and shake them. Daddy hits you like a brick, with a pungent cedar beginning and middle, then railroads you with an oaken finish that makes you wince and proclaim “oh god!” Hopefully they will be saying that too as you 3 or 4 do your thing.
Ancient Age - 5/ 5 stars
What can you say about Ancient Age. This heavenly nectar from Buffalo Trace distillers is probably the cheapest Kentucky Straight Bourbon you can find, running about 5 dollars a pint. It is smooth, there are hints of oak char, seasoned lilac traces, cherry uppers and it finishes off nicely with a coffee/chocolate flavor. This is the best bang for your buck, by far. This is the drink to get because it repels all the assholes who want to leech off you because you were smart enough to bring the flask to the party, or bar (until they have a few drinks and their inhibitions are gone, at this point just tell them you already “killed it”).
Old Crow – 3.5/ 5 stars
A little more back woodsy with traces of embers straight from the 1600’s Native Americans fire, with mellow tannins that touch the inner core. Old Crow has a hard finish with a smooth onset, a real “party pleaser” and “pussy getter.” Don’t mix with valium or opiates/opioids or you will wake up next to a fat bitch, or in the hood, or in a bush. It’s very nice paired with nachos or am/pm’s McRib sandwiches. Holler at me if you buy a bottle and we’ll wash some down together.
Evan Williams – 3/5 stars
As the name implies this drink fucks you like a real gentleman. First he creeps in through your back door when you least expect it. Then he talks to you straight in the eye, and you begin to want fuck him (even though you aren’t gay) and you don’t know why. You guys have hardcore sex but you are fine with it for some reason, as his smooth workings and woman like touches hit the left and right side of your tongue “just right.” The next morning you ask yourself, “what did I do?” then you tell yourself, “oh, well it was so good I’d do it all again.”
Jim Beam – 1.5/5 stars
A little oaken/pine beginnings with mild baked vanilla overtones, wrapped in a mocha tortilla. JB ends with a solid bottle rocket of magic, a cornucopia of charred bacon, musk and chipotle. Jim Beam isn’t a very good date, he seems logical at first if you want to show up at a bourgeois party and not look like an asshole (see above choices). He’s the only one that makes you look not unrefined. Grab him for looks only, and if you are going to a crappy party, but try and high-tail it outta there and get some Ancient Age or some better shit or your dignity.
Makers Mark – 4/5 stars
If you just got paid and want to splurge on a decent, higher end bourbon go with MM. I compare good old Mark to the guy(s) from all those shitty commercials out capitalizing on being the most interesting man in the world (a la; Old Spice/Tecate); although I don’t fall for their corny marketing ploy, I get it. But Mark is the real deal, if you were a woman, he would be long-dicking you before you could finish saying Mar-. Crisp fall apple beginning followed by subtle piratesque oceanic/wooden plank middles, ending with a grilled coconut/eucalyptus experience!
Old Grand Dad – 4.5/5 stars
I guess “daddy knows best,” some may say, and I would have to agree. Not all places have daddy, but if your local liquor establishment knows their classics they will carry this fine beverage (If not Rite Aid carries it). Be careful with this one, trust me. Its good paired with hard drugs and at least 2 girls. If you are with other guys try and ditch them some how, if all goes planned you will have a great night. Tell the girls that the guys hanging around you got really high one night and fucked each other and one gave the other herpes, just make something up and shake them. Daddy hits you like a brick, with a pungent cedar beginning and middle, then railroads you with an oaken finish that makes you wince and proclaim “oh god!” Hopefully they will be saying that too as you 3 or 4 do your thing.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The GOP were trying to protect their own
Dick Valentine – This is where we are tonight. Everybody under surveillance from a satellite. You can be the first one on your block to die.
Today I found out from Kathy Griffin that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has ended. She didn’t call me, we don’t even know each other. I follow her Twitter feed. Not because I think she’s funny but simply I find her sexy, visually.
Basically I am hoping for the day we can have sex. Not just any sex but I want her to beat the shit out of me, black eyes, jam strange things up my butt, choke me out with a timing belt, I mean really hurt me. I think its because I assume she has the capabilities to do so. A lonely man can dream can’t he?
Enough kudos to her and for her, I really want to elaborate on why the GOP should be thrilled that gays can now serve in the military, because they should have promoted second class citizens like homos to go into the army all along. Historically gays are the only unique exception for military inclusion. Blacks, Indians and even illegal immigrants get to go into the army and take a shrapnel for the team. Why not they gays? Such a wacky world. So much for military exclusivity now that Obama is actually ruining earth starting with the military.
Let me clarify, gays are only second class because only the traditionalist generation votes, not because of any personal bigotry I hold towards them. If any of you follow me then you know I hate the Mormons, Catholics, Jews, Maidu Indians (in fact all Indians but I hate the Maidu the most), single unwed mothers, divorced mothers, mothers, women, people on welfare, half black half white people, Bangladeshis, all Arabs including Iranians, communists, anarchists, nouveau hippies, and hipsters. Other than those demographics I don’t really care what you are. Never the gays.
I think if the GOP in the millionaires club were presented with several reasons why gays should be included in the military years ago, we probably would have won Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, the Bay of Pigs, and possibly the Homeric failure of the FBI’s Fast and Furious program. It must be a hard dick to swallow knowing that if gays were included in any of these operations the US wouldn’t be seen as such fags that can’t even be violent right.
The first reason I would present to the GOP for gays in the military is during wartime gays could probably ass-rape their enemies way fucking harder than a non gay ass raper raping his enemies. Thus demoralizing the enemy. Imagine the ass rape contests between straights and gays behind enemy lines.
Second, hire gays that have AIDS. This has been an effective weapon of war in Africa. Soldiers that know they are infected with the virus knowingly rape their victims, giving them AIDS. Not a bad idea to rape Arabs including Iranians in the butt, spreading a non curable disease to a permanent enemy. Introducing AIDS into the Arab world including Iranians would change demographics and migration and terrorist patterns. And Merck’s stock would skyrocket.
The third reason why the GOP should have considered gays in the military a long time ago is, the introduction of glory holes in the port o-potties, bunkers, and submarines proving a safe sexual outlet. Everyone loves a good old fashioned glory hole. Since overturning DADT the GOP are drafting a non-binding resolution to rename glory holes to victory holes in commemoration.
Fourth, if the GOP in Congress aren’t all total gay ass closet fags then they would appreciate more gays dying in several total bullshit wars. Is a gay dying in a meaningless war better than one dying in a useful war? Yes. You’d think the GOP would recruit only gays to fight in Afghanistan, Iraq and Vietnam. But then again if they’re all closet fags, they’re definitely protecting their own. The jig is up.
Five, the GOP can single handedly revive CD sales of country music. A recent survey notes that people who listen to country music can’t figure out how to download music. I just spoke with Toby Kieth’s manager and he’s already in the studio dedicating a whole album to revoking Don’t ask Don’t Tell. Conversely no one will ever download Toby Kieth’s album.
Finally, Mitt Romney can gang bang his colleagues without having to dip into his PAC funds. Just be careful Mitt, play rape can easily turn into real rape.
We all love a gay, its time they get a couple head shots along with the straights in the military.
Kathy Griffin call me. Toby Kieth eat a dick. GOP I’d say eat a dick but there’s enough evidence out there that you choke on some serious cocks already. Also GOP I feel sorry for you, it must be hard if you actually do listen to your constituency and your gay.
semper erectus
Today I found out from Kathy Griffin that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has ended. She didn’t call me, we don’t even know each other. I follow her Twitter feed. Not because I think she’s funny but simply I find her sexy, visually.
Basically I am hoping for the day we can have sex. Not just any sex but I want her to beat the shit out of me, black eyes, jam strange things up my butt, choke me out with a timing belt, I mean really hurt me. I think its because I assume she has the capabilities to do so. A lonely man can dream can’t he?
Enough kudos to her and for her, I really want to elaborate on why the GOP should be thrilled that gays can now serve in the military, because they should have promoted second class citizens like homos to go into the army all along. Historically gays are the only unique exception for military inclusion. Blacks, Indians and even illegal immigrants get to go into the army and take a shrapnel for the team. Why not they gays? Such a wacky world. So much for military exclusivity now that Obama is actually ruining earth starting with the military.
Let me clarify, gays are only second class because only the traditionalist generation votes, not because of any personal bigotry I hold towards them. If any of you follow me then you know I hate the Mormons, Catholics, Jews, Maidu Indians (in fact all Indians but I hate the Maidu the most), single unwed mothers, divorced mothers, mothers, women, people on welfare, half black half white people, Bangladeshis, all Arabs including Iranians, communists, anarchists, nouveau hippies, and hipsters. Other than those demographics I don’t really care what you are. Never the gays.
I think if the GOP in the millionaires club were presented with several reasons why gays should be included in the military years ago, we probably would have won Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, the Bay of Pigs, and possibly the Homeric failure of the FBI’s Fast and Furious program. It must be a hard dick to swallow knowing that if gays were included in any of these operations the US wouldn’t be seen as such fags that can’t even be violent right.
The first reason I would present to the GOP for gays in the military is during wartime gays could probably ass-rape their enemies way fucking harder than a non gay ass raper raping his enemies. Thus demoralizing the enemy. Imagine the ass rape contests between straights and gays behind enemy lines.
Second, hire gays that have AIDS. This has been an effective weapon of war in Africa. Soldiers that know they are infected with the virus knowingly rape their victims, giving them AIDS. Not a bad idea to rape Arabs including Iranians in the butt, spreading a non curable disease to a permanent enemy. Introducing AIDS into the Arab world including Iranians would change demographics and migration and terrorist patterns. And Merck’s stock would skyrocket.
The third reason why the GOP should have considered gays in the military a long time ago is, the introduction of glory holes in the port o-potties, bunkers, and submarines proving a safe sexual outlet. Everyone loves a good old fashioned glory hole. Since overturning DADT the GOP are drafting a non-binding resolution to rename glory holes to victory holes in commemoration.
Fourth, if the GOP in Congress aren’t all total gay ass closet fags then they would appreciate more gays dying in several total bullshit wars. Is a gay dying in a meaningless war better than one dying in a useful war? Yes. You’d think the GOP would recruit only gays to fight in Afghanistan, Iraq and Vietnam. But then again if they’re all closet fags, they’re definitely protecting their own. The jig is up.
Five, the GOP can single handedly revive CD sales of country music. A recent survey notes that people who listen to country music can’t figure out how to download music. I just spoke with Toby Kieth’s manager and he’s already in the studio dedicating a whole album to revoking Don’t ask Don’t Tell. Conversely no one will ever download Toby Kieth’s album.
Finally, Mitt Romney can gang bang his colleagues without having to dip into his PAC funds. Just be careful Mitt, play rape can easily turn into real rape.
We all love a gay, its time they get a couple head shots along with the straights in the military.
Kathy Griffin call me. Toby Kieth eat a dick. GOP I’d say eat a dick but there’s enough evidence out there that you choke on some serious cocks already. Also GOP I feel sorry for you, it must be hard if you actually do listen to your constituency and your gay.
semper erectus
Monday, September 19, 2011
New media and (f)adspace
Editor’s Note: This isn’t a very popular website. In fact it sucks pure shit. The layout is amateur and the content is filthy and depraved, and the content that isn’t gross is poetry.
To be honest I figured Hustler would have contacted me by now to write sadistic and perverse stories about hitting on my cousins during the holidays over some Christmas sandwiches and then hardcore fucking without a condom on in her car only to blow my load on the E brake, their tits and jean miniskirts, then wiping my dick off with the paper bag my tall boy came in. My first threesome was with my cousins.
The minimal amount of traffic it receives comes largely from me and the two other writers that contribute to the site and roughly three or four fans we don’t know about. According to Google Analytics it literally receives three to ten hits a day. Not exactly a powerhouse, certainly not enough to create interest from any party or advertising agency in the world. I’d like to make money, lots of it, I’d advertise on the site.
Well my bad luck has turned to good luck or so it seemed, Language Abuse was about to sell out to some Eurosmuut company for literally tens of dollars a year. things didn’t pan out. Please read the email below,
Hi Languageabuse.com,
I work for _____; a UK based Digital Marketing Company.
We represent clients interested in social media marketing on smaller sites with little or no existing advertising and we’re currently looking for advertising partners.
We pay a fixed upfront annual fee which we will agree on with you. Once the ad is in place, payment is made within approximately 48 hours.
Would you be interested in placing a small text-based ad on Languageabuse.com?
Kind regards,
Language Abuse – I need more details.
Hi Liam,
It is great to hear from you!
We have a client from the Online gaming, Finance, telecommunications, tourism, fashion, aviation, education or health that I think would be a good fit to both your site and your readership’s interests. I will be happy to provide you more details regarding this client once you have reviewed my proposal.
Basically what we have in mind is to sponsor a new page or post on your site.
Our team of content writers will create an entirely new page that will be tailored to fit with the current content of the site. We will make sure that you agree with how the new page has been put together before asking you to place it live on your site.
We would offer you 180 USD a year for this kind of advertisement.
We pay for a year of advertising upfront. We also aim to complete payment via secure payment partners Paypal or Moneybookers in as soon as 48 hours of the advert going live on your site.
You may also read our terms and conditions here: _____
Once you agree to continue we will be glad to send you the text details on the advert of your choice for your review.
Let me know if you are interested Liam. If you have any questions please feel free to let me know as well.
I look forward to your response and many thanks!
Best regards,
Language Abuse – I’m going with a more lucrative hard core porn advertisment. They suit Language Abuses niche better. They are able to provide titty fist fucking action shots and shit and piss play with glory holes for blind people. But thanks for your interest. If you are able to pay me $5,000 personally and offer to provide assholes shitting and children blowing their parents dormant turds on my site then we can make a deal. But I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass.
Hi Liam,
I understand, thank you for replying to me. If you change your mind or if an opportunity for business comes up please feel free to send me an e-mail. Just as well, if you or your friends have other sites that accommodate text-based advertising, I’d be really grateful if you could send me a list for review.
Thank you again and I wish you all the best for the future.
To be honest I figured Hustler would have contacted me by now to write sadistic and perverse stories about hitting on my cousins during the holidays over some Christmas sandwiches and then hardcore fucking without a condom on in her car only to blow my load on the E brake, their tits and jean miniskirts, then wiping my dick off with the paper bag my tall boy came in. My first threesome was with my cousins.
The minimal amount of traffic it receives comes largely from me and the two other writers that contribute to the site and roughly three or four fans we don’t know about. According to Google Analytics it literally receives three to ten hits a day. Not exactly a powerhouse, certainly not enough to create interest from any party or advertising agency in the world. I’d like to make money, lots of it, I’d advertise on the site.
Well my bad luck has turned to good luck or so it seemed, Language Abuse was about to sell out to some Eurosmuut company for literally tens of dollars a year. things didn’t pan out. Please read the email below,
Hi Languageabuse.com,
I work for _____; a UK based Digital Marketing Company.
We represent clients interested in social media marketing on smaller sites with little or no existing advertising and we’re currently looking for advertising partners.
We pay a fixed upfront annual fee which we will agree on with you. Once the ad is in place, payment is made within approximately 48 hours.
Would you be interested in placing a small text-based ad on Languageabuse.com?
Kind regards,
Language Abuse – I need more details.
Hi Liam,
It is great to hear from you!
We have a client from the Online gaming, Finance, telecommunications, tourism, fashion, aviation, education or health that I think would be a good fit to both your site and your readership’s interests. I will be happy to provide you more details regarding this client once you have reviewed my proposal.
Basically what we have in mind is to sponsor a new page or post on your site.
Our team of content writers will create an entirely new page that will be tailored to fit with the current content of the site. We will make sure that you agree with how the new page has been put together before asking you to place it live on your site.
We would offer you 180 USD a year for this kind of advertisement.
We pay for a year of advertising upfront. We also aim to complete payment via secure payment partners Paypal or Moneybookers in as soon as 48 hours of the advert going live on your site.
You may also read our terms and conditions here: _____
Once you agree to continue we will be glad to send you the text details on the advert of your choice for your review.
Let me know if you are interested Liam. If you have any questions please feel free to let me know as well.
I look forward to your response and many thanks!
Best regards,
Language Abuse – I’m going with a more lucrative hard core porn advertisment. They suit Language Abuses niche better. They are able to provide titty fist fucking action shots and shit and piss play with glory holes for blind people. But thanks for your interest. If you are able to pay me $5,000 personally and offer to provide assholes shitting and children blowing their parents dormant turds on my site then we can make a deal. But I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass.
Hi Liam,
I understand, thank you for replying to me. If you change your mind or if an opportunity for business comes up please feel free to send me an e-mail. Just as well, if you or your friends have other sites that accommodate text-based advertising, I’d be really grateful if you could send me a list for review.
Thank you again and I wish you all the best for the future.
CHANGES
Sometimes you think some topics are
Buried 6 foot under forever
And as so much they are
But sometimes the best or worst things
Will resurface
When, or if, they resurface
Their mindsets, their perceptions;
Are theirs. Period
Falling back in like a waterfall
Hands out, free fall
Letting emotion fall down can be
A fatal mistake (arms in or out?)
For what I feel, surely they do not feel
Easily cold they are which is OK
One may ask:
Continue or not? As, I don’t want more
What I have is just fine
But I don’t want to allow myself
To fall, they’re broken
Jagged rocks break the steady stream
Don’t know what to do
Though their moral mind tells them
Exactly what to do
The tension is like sandpaper
Smooth sandpaper
That doesn’t hurt
That has no tension
I miss them, kiss them, piss on them
They are in bliss, looking in eyes
Those eyes with reflections of
Weapons
As if they were mine
But with no thought of me
I miss that person;
Though I shouldn’t, hearts drop
They shouldn’t;
Goodbyes are always hard
But those that are meant to
Be
For a while, at least
Unification unexpectedly asked
Throws amazement in mind
Wonder runs rampant
Choices made, excitement
A few years til’ divorce
Emotion on my part
Rendered null and void
I am sorry, as I am sure you are
Maybe emotional connections we
Made, maybe not
You said I love you sometimes
Sometimes I said it
Sometimes I didn’t answer
Sometimes you didn’t
Everything has changed
One thing will never
I will always blank blank blank blank you
Fuck or Love, guess.
Buried 6 foot under forever
And as so much they are
But sometimes the best or worst things
Will resurface
When, or if, they resurface
Their mindsets, their perceptions;
Are theirs. Period
Falling back in like a waterfall
Hands out, free fall
Letting emotion fall down can be
A fatal mistake (arms in or out?)
For what I feel, surely they do not feel
Easily cold they are which is OK
One may ask:
Continue or not? As, I don’t want more
What I have is just fine
But I don’t want to allow myself
To fall, they’re broken
Jagged rocks break the steady stream
Don’t know what to do
Though their moral mind tells them
Exactly what to do
The tension is like sandpaper
Smooth sandpaper
That doesn’t hurt
That has no tension
I miss them, kiss them, piss on them
They are in bliss, looking in eyes
Those eyes with reflections of
Weapons
As if they were mine
But with no thought of me
I miss that person;
Though I shouldn’t, hearts drop
They shouldn’t;
Goodbyes are always hard
But those that are meant to
Be
For a while, at least
Unification unexpectedly asked
Throws amazement in mind
Wonder runs rampant
Choices made, excitement
A few years til’ divorce
Emotion on my part
Rendered null and void
I am sorry, as I am sure you are
Maybe emotional connections we
Made, maybe not
You said I love you sometimes
Sometimes I said it
Sometimes I didn’t answer
Sometimes you didn’t
Everything has changed
One thing will never
I will always blank blank blank blank you
Fuck or Love, guess.
Forward Thinking
Bitches get treated like bitches
But always want to be treated like women
Women get treated like women
But always want to be treated like bitches
Bastards get treated like bastards
But they think they are men
Men get treated like men
But they think they are bastards
I try to ring a drip of humanity,
Knuckles white with passion,
Out of a proverbial washcloth
No signs of moisture
The last vulture came
Hundreds of years ago
And drank Gods last tear
That eked its way out
Of this dusty wash cloth
Now in this desert of humanity
Exists, only self pity
Greed, hate, violence
I search
For that picturesque
That movie-marvelous
That Eden
Waterfalls and greenery
That oasis
“Oasis of humanity”
Where humanity treats each other
Like humans
And we all strive to be
Treated likewise
But always want to be treated like women
Women get treated like women
But always want to be treated like bitches
Bastards get treated like bastards
But they think they are men
Men get treated like men
But they think they are bastards
I try to ring a drip of humanity,
Knuckles white with passion,
Out of a proverbial washcloth
No signs of moisture
The last vulture came
Hundreds of years ago
And drank Gods last tear
That eked its way out
Of this dusty wash cloth
Now in this desert of humanity
Exists, only self pity
Greed, hate, violence
I search
For that picturesque
That movie-marvelous
That Eden
Waterfalls and greenery
That oasis
“Oasis of humanity”
Where humanity treats each other
Like humans
And we all strive to be
Treated likewise
Devaluation
As I sit in my desk
At community college
Once again later in age
I never thought I would be
“That guy”
If you have ever
Attended a community college
You know whom I speak of
Sitting there,
Waiting for instruction
I over hear a conversation
A cute 19 year old…
“Ohy mhuy gawd, burning man
Was so fawking insane, it was
Craaaazy”
No wonder the founder of that
Event
Went
And burnt down the burning man
Prematurely
Ejaculations,
As I sat there in my human sexuality class;
We are about to talk about
I wonder
Did, “that guy”
Hear me and shake his head
When I was that young asshole?
As I just had
(Probably not, I was quiet)
Then I ask myself;
Does one just think everything
Becomes stupider and stupider
Until they die?
If so; I’m gonna think:
This whole god damned world
Fucking sucks
Pretty soon
At community college
Once again later in age
I never thought I would be
“That guy”
If you have ever
Attended a community college
You know whom I speak of
Sitting there,
Waiting for instruction
I over hear a conversation
A cute 19 year old…
“Ohy mhuy gawd, burning man
Was so fawking insane, it was
Craaaazy”
No wonder the founder of that
Event
Went
And burnt down the burning man
Prematurely
Ejaculations,
As I sat there in my human sexuality class;
We are about to talk about
I wonder
Did, “that guy”
Hear me and shake his head
When I was that young asshole?
As I just had
(Probably not, I was quiet)
Then I ask myself;
Does one just think everything
Becomes stupider and stupider
Until they die?
If so; I’m gonna think:
This whole god damned world
Fucking sucks
Pretty soon
Friday, September 16, 2011
Dr. Oz likes dick and hates apple juice
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Examining the sacred geometry of 911
Special report filed by our New York correspondent: Mark Harrison
”
Using various images of the horrific aftermath of 9/11/2001, I have devoted the greater part of the last decade into reading the sacred geometry of 9-11. Many conclusions may be up for debate about what follows, but the overall message is as concrete as the middle of The Hoover Dam. First and foremost, I am a leading expert in the field of sacred geometry. My experiences in visual-spatial geometrical meditation to interpret the meanings of the sacred geometry turned up some very shocking results about the uncertainty of the future. I have pioneered two methods in order to analyze the way the buildings crashed to the Manhattan streets below and also the explosions as the planes hit in real time. The first, I already mentioned visual-spatial geometrical meditation (VSGM) and the other is self-induced hypnotherapeutic neural modification (SIHNM). These sound very complex and they completely are so I will briefly explain them.
VSGM involves having a Printed Stimuli (PS); it may be a photo, computer image, or other representation of the subject of which you are analyzing. You must be in a mid sized empty room with very limited items. These items a researcher must include are symbolic symbols (SS) and prescriptive pointers (PP). The bigger these items are the better! As one starts they must be standing throughout the whole process in order to focus and also to have your body symmetry aligned. You must focus in on the area of importance on the PS; the importance here is to not blink and to literally burn an image of the section of the PS into your brain, after doing so for one hour you should take 50mg (varies dependant on body weight) of a benzodiazepine. As you are falling and trying to stay awake/upright/cognizant (key here is you must try to keep standing) you will knock the symbolic symbols into different directions as well as the PP. When you awake you must analyze the results.
SIHNM is much more involved and intense of a process. Leading research into neurology has shown that the human brain is purely magic. It has also shown that it can be almost infinite in scope. If you have any idea of how large infinity really is, you know what I am talking about. The goal here is to harness less than 0.001% of the power of the brain. Some neurons that connect to the brain and run through our nervous system are up to 3 feet long, and can be longer! We have neurons all over our body within our nervous system! That means that not only our brain can harness the magic of the grey matter but that it can also use it for real functions as well. In order to harness a neuron we make a tiny cut on our right index finger in order to directly access a neuron. At this point you hook up a wire to the skin (usually with an alligator clip) and hook it up to a volt meter. Next you induce self-hypnosis by various methods. Next you must ask yourself questions, if the answer is yes, you will see the volt meter move. If the answer is no you will see the volt meter stays still.
RESULTS
There are four main results I would like to talk about in this section, they may seem unbelievable but they are absolutely true. How do I know, you may ask? I can tell while looking you straight in the eye that I followed the scientific method to a tee, and we all know if that is done correctly it has to be right. You may like the results, they may scare you, either way they are very profound and will touch us all in one way or another.
The first major “event” that will happen in the next ten years is that a major “credit card bubble” will pop, much as the housing bubble did. This will touch the poorer/lower classes that rely on credit cards and currently find themselves in major debt. As banks get bailed out and the same old bureaucratic hypocrisy keeps affecting the lower socioeconomic classes touched by this, they will take to the street and demand that the money be given to the people and not to the banks. The people will start to see how the banks wish to enslave people (at least a major consensus will). Tired of the banks harassing them and the feeling of drowning, the people will cause violence to ensue for quite some time. The government will try to make some concessions but they won’t be good enough. This will ultimately lead to a scandal that involves people very high up in government and they will get ousted and/or impeached. The end result or concession is that the lower SES people will have the option of getting a large portion of their debt reduced and the government will put extremely tight rules and regulations on how much they lend to people depending on their income.
The second major “event” which will happen is a war in a place people would have never thought would be touched by war. I couldn’t see the nation in my SIHNM sessions, but I could tell that it was within a developed nation such as Switzerland or somewhere in Euro zone or United States. The military response by NATO/US will be swift and devastating. The people of the nation will look upon the government negatively because of this for some reason. Perhaps the people that were suppressed had many supporters and were a growing movement. I can’t tell but it seemed to be some sort of party involved with major reform or maybe even revolutionary plots. A modified version of communism or socialism which attempts to distribute the wealth amongst the people seems to be the most likely reform group in which it will effect.
Third, due to the huge success of the World Wide Web, and also the quirkiness of cats on the internet, pet cats will get to the popular tipping point where they prove “out of control” and are colonizing in feral populations almost everywhere. The government will have to declare a “war on cats. (WOC)” PETA and cat lovers will unite against the WOC. The scenario will become extremely ugly, and eventually a Unabomber type (on the pro-cat side) will start sending packages to the cat killers. Just as the populace thinks it couldn’t get any worse, a cat-to-human virus sweeps across the nation, and unfortunately to those that enjoy kissing their cats on a regular basis will swiftly die of a virus; H4N72, or “Cat Flu.” At this point the debate will swing to the side of the cat killers, but the cat lovers will claim the CIA introduced Cat Flu in order to advance its agenda. In the end, the problem will be mostly fixed but the pet cat will never be looked at the same.
Lastly, the most promising of all is the laser-engine. Scientists and dreamers alike will collaborate on building a new energy source made from lasers. Scientists working at CERN will finally find the elusive Higgs-Boson. From these findings the doors to physics will be swung wide open. Revelations that involve some sort of free energy will become a new reality, somehow scientists will use complex systems of lasers in order to harness this “free energy,” and the public will become fascinated about the ramifications, and that perhaps global warming could be averted. The lasers will not actually power the “engine” they will somehow “excite” a source that allows the energy to be “tapped.
”
Using various images of the horrific aftermath of 9/11/2001, I have devoted the greater part of the last decade into reading the sacred geometry of 9-11. Many conclusions may be up for debate about what follows, but the overall message is as concrete as the middle of The Hoover Dam. First and foremost, I am a leading expert in the field of sacred geometry. My experiences in visual-spatial geometrical meditation to interpret the meanings of the sacred geometry turned up some very shocking results about the uncertainty of the future. I have pioneered two methods in order to analyze the way the buildings crashed to the Manhattan streets below and also the explosions as the planes hit in real time. The first, I already mentioned visual-spatial geometrical meditation (VSGM) and the other is self-induced hypnotherapeutic neural modification (SIHNM). These sound very complex and they completely are so I will briefly explain them.
VSGM involves having a Printed Stimuli (PS); it may be a photo, computer image, or other representation of the subject of which you are analyzing. You must be in a mid sized empty room with very limited items. These items a researcher must include are symbolic symbols (SS) and prescriptive pointers (PP). The bigger these items are the better! As one starts they must be standing throughout the whole process in order to focus and also to have your body symmetry aligned. You must focus in on the area of importance on the PS; the importance here is to not blink and to literally burn an image of the section of the PS into your brain, after doing so for one hour you should take 50mg (varies dependant on body weight) of a benzodiazepine. As you are falling and trying to stay awake/upright/cognizant (key here is you must try to keep standing) you will knock the symbolic symbols into different directions as well as the PP. When you awake you must analyze the results.
SIHNM is much more involved and intense of a process. Leading research into neurology has shown that the human brain is purely magic. It has also shown that it can be almost infinite in scope. If you have any idea of how large infinity really is, you know what I am talking about. The goal here is to harness less than 0.001% of the power of the brain. Some neurons that connect to the brain and run through our nervous system are up to 3 feet long, and can be longer! We have neurons all over our body within our nervous system! That means that not only our brain can harness the magic of the grey matter but that it can also use it for real functions as well. In order to harness a neuron we make a tiny cut on our right index finger in order to directly access a neuron. At this point you hook up a wire to the skin (usually with an alligator clip) and hook it up to a volt meter. Next you induce self-hypnosis by various methods. Next you must ask yourself questions, if the answer is yes, you will see the volt meter move. If the answer is no you will see the volt meter stays still.
RESULTS
There are four main results I would like to talk about in this section, they may seem unbelievable but they are absolutely true. How do I know, you may ask? I can tell while looking you straight in the eye that I followed the scientific method to a tee, and we all know if that is done correctly it has to be right. You may like the results, they may scare you, either way they are very profound and will touch us all in one way or another.
The first major “event” that will happen in the next ten years is that a major “credit card bubble” will pop, much as the housing bubble did. This will touch the poorer/lower classes that rely on credit cards and currently find themselves in major debt. As banks get bailed out and the same old bureaucratic hypocrisy keeps affecting the lower socioeconomic classes touched by this, they will take to the street and demand that the money be given to the people and not to the banks. The people will start to see how the banks wish to enslave people (at least a major consensus will). Tired of the banks harassing them and the feeling of drowning, the people will cause violence to ensue for quite some time. The government will try to make some concessions but they won’t be good enough. This will ultimately lead to a scandal that involves people very high up in government and they will get ousted and/or impeached. The end result or concession is that the lower SES people will have the option of getting a large portion of their debt reduced and the government will put extremely tight rules and regulations on how much they lend to people depending on their income.
The second major “event” which will happen is a war in a place people would have never thought would be touched by war. I couldn’t see the nation in my SIHNM sessions, but I could tell that it was within a developed nation such as Switzerland or somewhere in Euro zone or United States. The military response by NATO/US will be swift and devastating. The people of the nation will look upon the government negatively because of this for some reason. Perhaps the people that were suppressed had many supporters and were a growing movement. I can’t tell but it seemed to be some sort of party involved with major reform or maybe even revolutionary plots. A modified version of communism or socialism which attempts to distribute the wealth amongst the people seems to be the most likely reform group in which it will effect.
Third, due to the huge success of the World Wide Web, and also the quirkiness of cats on the internet, pet cats will get to the popular tipping point where they prove “out of control” and are colonizing in feral populations almost everywhere. The government will have to declare a “war on cats. (WOC)” PETA and cat lovers will unite against the WOC. The scenario will become extremely ugly, and eventually a Unabomber type (on the pro-cat side) will start sending packages to the cat killers. Just as the populace thinks it couldn’t get any worse, a cat-to-human virus sweeps across the nation, and unfortunately to those that enjoy kissing their cats on a regular basis will swiftly die of a virus; H4N72, or “Cat Flu.” At this point the debate will swing to the side of the cat killers, but the cat lovers will claim the CIA introduced Cat Flu in order to advance its agenda. In the end, the problem will be mostly fixed but the pet cat will never be looked at the same.
Lastly, the most promising of all is the laser-engine. Scientists and dreamers alike will collaborate on building a new energy source made from lasers. Scientists working at CERN will finally find the elusive Higgs-Boson. From these findings the doors to physics will be swung wide open. Revelations that involve some sort of free energy will become a new reality, somehow scientists will use complex systems of lasers in order to harness this “free energy,” and the public will become fascinated about the ramifications, and that perhaps global warming could be averted. The lasers will not actually power the “engine” they will somehow “excite” a source that allows the energy to be “tapped.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Huffing after 911
Millions of studies show that huffing has increased after 911. Huffing has become a worldwide epidemic, but those in the US suffer far greater than those in Southern Mexico city.
Groups most susceptible to huffing metallic paints, rubber cement and Bic pens are blacks, Chicanos, whites near Birdcage, and kids who like like the band with fat white guys that paint their face like Kiss.
Huffing has taken a nefarious hold on inner city youth and is currently destroying the social fabric of today's society. One parent said in an interview about huffing in a post 911 wworld "Fuck 911 and fuck huffers."
Kids who have huffed find it harder to attend six or more units in junior college, or hold down a job at Batteries Plus.
One paint huffer that couldn't remember his name responded to my inquiry about 911 and its correlation to huffing, by drooling on himself and pissing his pants.
Street lingo for obtaining or using huffing materials include, Huffington Post, Buff Huff, Huff Huff, queef paste, the postmod, jenkem light, Olsen twin pussy fart, and fuming.
Huffing 911
Groups most susceptible to huffing metallic paints, rubber cement and Bic pens are blacks, Chicanos, whites near Birdcage, and kids who like like the band with fat white guys that paint their face like Kiss.
Huffing has taken a nefarious hold on inner city youth and is currently destroying the social fabric of today's society. One parent said in an interview about huffing in a post 911 wworld "Fuck 911 and fuck huffers."
Kids who have huffed find it harder to attend six or more units in junior college, or hold down a job at Batteries Plus.
One paint huffer that couldn't remember his name responded to my inquiry about 911 and its correlation to huffing, by drooling on himself and pissing his pants.
Street lingo for obtaining or using huffing materials include, Huffington Post, Buff Huff, Huff Huff, queef paste, the postmod, jenkem light, Olsen twin pussy fart, and fuming.
Huffing 911
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