I want to say thanks to Obama for ruining my one day off, if I can sound typically LA (that means selfish, shallow and not making eye contact) and not give a shit about anything. The Zechs Marquise were playing a free show last night at Cheetahs to promote their new album.
This of course is Omar Rodriguez Lopez's little brother's band, an experimental experiment of musical stylings. They are heavy doses of outer space and funk, and energetic fusion and a bit of jamminess to 'em (unfortunately that's my best description) If you like the Mars Volta, and weird 70's jazz then you'd probably dig this.
They just so happened to be playing at nice looking gentlemen's club, Cheetahs on Hollywood Blvd. One I wouldn't mind getting an erection at and be seen out front with it.
To add insult to injury, I found out the presidential entourage only blocked of certain streets for about and hour and I actually could have driven to the show. Instead I got drunk and jacked off while all my roommates were home, then took a Benadryl at 3 am.
I recommend these guys. I think their album drops today, but you can stream some shit right meow. Zechs Marquise
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Redding
It’s first grade, where is Redding?
One pair of dirty jeans, thats all I need.
Hot, Sweat, A litter of retarded rabbits born with Half their bodies.
The mother eats them in the garage, the smell. I can taste them through the hot air.
I have a machete that I found in a hay stack, its all I need.
Abandoned mines, play with mercury in my hands, I name them.
Neighbors live in concrete tube.
I cut down the cherry tree, but I am not honest.
I wake up in third grade, I can’t read anymore, put in the retard class…wtf…redding.
One pair of dirty jeans, thats all I need.
Hot, Sweat, A litter of retarded rabbits born with Half their bodies.
The mother eats them in the garage, the smell. I can taste them through the hot air.
I have a machete that I found in a hay stack, its all I need.
Abandoned mines, play with mercury in my hands, I name them.
Neighbors live in concrete tube.
I cut down the cherry tree, but I am not honest.
I wake up in third grade, I can’t read anymore, put in the retard class…wtf…redding.
Manderes, the only thing in Folsom that doesn't suck multiple cocks
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Saturday, September 24, 2011
Boycott Sacramento
When I think of Sacramento, I’m glad I was drunk the whole time living there. There weren’t enough drugs or beer to officially numb me and redirect the mental pain of having to live there, to a more personal and physical pain I experienced waking up everyday with a hangover and smelling like cigarette butts.
Other than just living in Sacramento, there is nothing more draining, soul crushing and embittering than trying to get a career there. But for some reason if and when that career or opportunity comes your way, kiss that promotion on the butthole lips goodbye. Getting promoted takes an assassination, lymphoma, or most likely it just won’t happen. I refuse to believe its my raging drinking/ coke/ pill popping/ huffing/ reactionary/ anger problem. I also sag my pants.
But if you want a girlfriend that wants to get pregnant and that’s it, then this is the Mecca for you. Just go ahead and settle for unwavering mediocrity. Maybe Sac City council can paint a maternity ward black where singles can circle it and throw rocks at. But you’ll have stiff competition from about a million dudes that all dress alike. Besides I haven’t met one chick in Sacramento that takes it in the ass and loves it. I mean just hard core asshole splitting, shit and piss and blood on the walls buttfucking rape, love it (email me if you do). I’m kissing you goodbye Sacramento.
Again I was wasted the whole time on some shit. A quick drug side note, one of my friends gave me a pill that kept me high for three days then I just ended up shitting myself all over his military style cot. I never took that one again. But shitting myself isn’t the same as getting fucked up.
So I hold a fantastic grudge against Sacramento and all that’s within it, every little thing. So much so that I’ve decided to boycott it entirely. I am taking the boycott so seriously that I am working with the drug addled staff here at LanguageAbuse and our Hustler quality interns to draft a boycott letter in which we will present to the Tea Party patriots and random conservative groups to begin protesting immediately outside the municipal boundaries of Sacramento. Its not even worth protesting inside the city. On a more personal note, I have decided to never step foot in Sacramento again, so that means I am now boycotting my family.
It’s important to note that you can’t boycott a town you live in. Although that doesn’t stop the single cell republicans there. I once read in the Sacpress that a man living in Sacramento tried to boycott it. He drove to woodland to buy groceries or some bullshit like that. I think he tried to boycott Sacramento because the Sacramento City council drafted a resolution to boycott the purchase tazers from Arizona. This is the only case I’ve heard of where someone tried to boycott their own city. Only idiots of that particular breed live there. I hope I don’t have to recapitulate the grade A quality asshole that lives in Sacramento. So I moved to LA, finally, and now I can officially boycott Sacramento. The easiest way to do this is to not pay city tax on anything you buy there.
My personal vision would be to move the capitol of California to San Francisco or Los Angeles, you know a real city. I think San Francisco would be the best fit because the whole city stinks of shit and piss and is about as liberal as a city can get. And that would piss off the suits. But I’m torn, I think government leaches suffering from the brain drain and capital flight should just stay in Sacramento when it looks like the country Club Mall. I would encourage more people pissing and shitting in random places around Sacramento’s capitol and their city halls. I would organize a flash mob to piss and shit everywhere but I am fully conscious of the general apathy of everyone in Sacrmaneto.
The first reason I would move the capitol of California from Sacramento would be to totally crush that stable job industry in Sacramento being the political, marketing, lobbying, public relations jobs currently there.
The second reason is to further demoralize everyone in and around Sacramento. Real estate prices would plummet into Buffalo Bill’s well. The end of the flash fads would cease to exist (hopefully) ie whiskey, crocheting, taco trucks, second Saturday, businesses that fuse more than two industries (Bows and Arrows is a good example), businesses fusing anything really. The Hive, wow a coffee shop you have to pay to be at, that should die like a Dr. Kevorkian patient. The ultimate goal would be to see massive capital flight from Sacramento.
Hopefully artists currently living and “thriving” in Sacramento would stop making art. You’re pretty much all talentless and uninspiring.
I urge people to order things off the internet more, and savagely deny Sacramento of money like shady Jewish businessmen. This is just one man’s dream, my dream, to see the city where he grew up to be reduced to shreds like pit bulls fighting each other, and tainted with cancer cluster bombs.
Other than just living in Sacramento, there is nothing more draining, soul crushing and embittering than trying to get a career there. But for some reason if and when that career or opportunity comes your way, kiss that promotion on the butthole lips goodbye. Getting promoted takes an assassination, lymphoma, or most likely it just won’t happen. I refuse to believe its my raging drinking/ coke/ pill popping/ huffing/ reactionary/ anger problem. I also sag my pants.
But if you want a girlfriend that wants to get pregnant and that’s it, then this is the Mecca for you. Just go ahead and settle for unwavering mediocrity. Maybe Sac City council can paint a maternity ward black where singles can circle it and throw rocks at. But you’ll have stiff competition from about a million dudes that all dress alike. Besides I haven’t met one chick in Sacramento that takes it in the ass and loves it. I mean just hard core asshole splitting, shit and piss and blood on the walls buttfucking rape, love it (email me if you do). I’m kissing you goodbye Sacramento.
Again I was wasted the whole time on some shit. A quick drug side note, one of my friends gave me a pill that kept me high for three days then I just ended up shitting myself all over his military style cot. I never took that one again. But shitting myself isn’t the same as getting fucked up.
So I hold a fantastic grudge against Sacramento and all that’s within it, every little thing. So much so that I’ve decided to boycott it entirely. I am taking the boycott so seriously that I am working with the drug addled staff here at LanguageAbuse and our Hustler quality interns to draft a boycott letter in which we will present to the Tea Party patriots and random conservative groups to begin protesting immediately outside the municipal boundaries of Sacramento. Its not even worth protesting inside the city. On a more personal note, I have decided to never step foot in Sacramento again, so that means I am now boycotting my family.
It’s important to note that you can’t boycott a town you live in. Although that doesn’t stop the single cell republicans there. I once read in the Sacpress that a man living in Sacramento tried to boycott it. He drove to woodland to buy groceries or some bullshit like that. I think he tried to boycott Sacramento because the Sacramento City council drafted a resolution to boycott the purchase tazers from Arizona. This is the only case I’ve heard of where someone tried to boycott their own city. Only idiots of that particular breed live there. I hope I don’t have to recapitulate the grade A quality asshole that lives in Sacramento. So I moved to LA, finally, and now I can officially boycott Sacramento. The easiest way to do this is to not pay city tax on anything you buy there.
My personal vision would be to move the capitol of California to San Francisco or Los Angeles, you know a real city. I think San Francisco would be the best fit because the whole city stinks of shit and piss and is about as liberal as a city can get. And that would piss off the suits. But I’m torn, I think government leaches suffering from the brain drain and capital flight should just stay in Sacramento when it looks like the country Club Mall. I would encourage more people pissing and shitting in random places around Sacramento’s capitol and their city halls. I would organize a flash mob to piss and shit everywhere but I am fully conscious of the general apathy of everyone in Sacrmaneto.
The first reason I would move the capitol of California from Sacramento would be to totally crush that stable job industry in Sacramento being the political, marketing, lobbying, public relations jobs currently there.
The second reason is to further demoralize everyone in and around Sacramento. Real estate prices would plummet into Buffalo Bill’s well. The end of the flash fads would cease to exist (hopefully) ie whiskey, crocheting, taco trucks, second Saturday, businesses that fuse more than two industries (Bows and Arrows is a good example), businesses fusing anything really. The Hive, wow a coffee shop you have to pay to be at, that should die like a Dr. Kevorkian patient. The ultimate goal would be to see massive capital flight from Sacramento.
Hopefully artists currently living and “thriving” in Sacramento would stop making art. You’re pretty much all talentless and uninspiring.
I urge people to order things off the internet more, and savagely deny Sacramento of money like shady Jewish businessmen. This is just one man’s dream, my dream, to see the city where he grew up to be reduced to shreds like pit bulls fighting each other, and tainted with cancer cluster bombs.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The Titans of Kentucky Straight Bourbon
I would consider myself somewhat of a connoisseur of fine Kentucky Straight Bourbon. I have been partaking of it much longer than this so called current “craze” you see taking place. There are even many smaller companies making craft bourbons, many of which are very good. That aside, this is the guide for those that want to drink some good shit and wake up not remembering a god damned thing.
Ancient Age - 5/ 5 stars
What can you say about Ancient Age. This heavenly nectar from Buffalo Trace distillers is probably the cheapest Kentucky Straight Bourbon you can find, running about 5 dollars a pint. It is smooth, there are hints of oak char, seasoned lilac traces, cherry uppers and it finishes off nicely with a coffee/chocolate flavor. This is the best bang for your buck, by far. This is the drink to get because it repels all the assholes who want to leech off you because you were smart enough to bring the flask to the party, or bar (until they have a few drinks and their inhibitions are gone, at this point just tell them you already “killed it”).
Old Crow – 3.5/ 5 stars
A little more back woodsy with traces of embers straight from the 1600’s Native Americans fire, with mellow tannins that touch the inner core. Old Crow has a hard finish with a smooth onset, a real “party pleaser” and “pussy getter.” Don’t mix with valium or opiates/opioids or you will wake up next to a fat bitch, or in the hood, or in a bush. It’s very nice paired with nachos or am/pm’s McRib sandwiches. Holler at me if you buy a bottle and we’ll wash some down together.
Evan Williams – 3/5 stars
As the name implies this drink fucks you like a real gentleman. First he creeps in through your back door when you least expect it. Then he talks to you straight in the eye, and you begin to want fuck him (even though you aren’t gay) and you don’t know why. You guys have hardcore sex but you are fine with it for some reason, as his smooth workings and woman like touches hit the left and right side of your tongue “just right.” The next morning you ask yourself, “what did I do?” then you tell yourself, “oh, well it was so good I’d do it all again.”
Jim Beam – 1.5/5 stars
A little oaken/pine beginnings with mild baked vanilla overtones, wrapped in a mocha tortilla. JB ends with a solid bottle rocket of magic, a cornucopia of charred bacon, musk and chipotle. Jim Beam isn’t a very good date, he seems logical at first if you want to show up at a bourgeois party and not look like an asshole (see above choices). He’s the only one that makes you look not unrefined. Grab him for looks only, and if you are going to a crappy party, but try and high-tail it outta there and get some Ancient Age or some better shit or your dignity.
Makers Mark – 4/5 stars
If you just got paid and want to splurge on a decent, higher end bourbon go with MM. I compare good old Mark to the guy(s) from all those shitty commercials out capitalizing on being the most interesting man in the world (a la; Old Spice/Tecate); although I don’t fall for their corny marketing ploy, I get it. But Mark is the real deal, if you were a woman, he would be long-dicking you before you could finish saying Mar-. Crisp fall apple beginning followed by subtle piratesque oceanic/wooden plank middles, ending with a grilled coconut/eucalyptus experience!
Old Grand Dad – 4.5/5 stars
I guess “daddy knows best,” some may say, and I would have to agree. Not all places have daddy, but if your local liquor establishment knows their classics they will carry this fine beverage (If not Rite Aid carries it). Be careful with this one, trust me. Its good paired with hard drugs and at least 2 girls. If you are with other guys try and ditch them some how, if all goes planned you will have a great night. Tell the girls that the guys hanging around you got really high one night and fucked each other and one gave the other herpes, just make something up and shake them. Daddy hits you like a brick, with a pungent cedar beginning and middle, then railroads you with an oaken finish that makes you wince and proclaim “oh god!” Hopefully they will be saying that too as you 3 or 4 do your thing.
Ancient Age - 5/ 5 stars
What can you say about Ancient Age. This heavenly nectar from Buffalo Trace distillers is probably the cheapest Kentucky Straight Bourbon you can find, running about 5 dollars a pint. It is smooth, there are hints of oak char, seasoned lilac traces, cherry uppers and it finishes off nicely with a coffee/chocolate flavor. This is the best bang for your buck, by far. This is the drink to get because it repels all the assholes who want to leech off you because you were smart enough to bring the flask to the party, or bar (until they have a few drinks and their inhibitions are gone, at this point just tell them you already “killed it”).
Old Crow – 3.5/ 5 stars
A little more back woodsy with traces of embers straight from the 1600’s Native Americans fire, with mellow tannins that touch the inner core. Old Crow has a hard finish with a smooth onset, a real “party pleaser” and “pussy getter.” Don’t mix with valium or opiates/opioids or you will wake up next to a fat bitch, or in the hood, or in a bush. It’s very nice paired with nachos or am/pm’s McRib sandwiches. Holler at me if you buy a bottle and we’ll wash some down together.
Evan Williams – 3/5 stars
As the name implies this drink fucks you like a real gentleman. First he creeps in through your back door when you least expect it. Then he talks to you straight in the eye, and you begin to want fuck him (even though you aren’t gay) and you don’t know why. You guys have hardcore sex but you are fine with it for some reason, as his smooth workings and woman like touches hit the left and right side of your tongue “just right.” The next morning you ask yourself, “what did I do?” then you tell yourself, “oh, well it was so good I’d do it all again.”
Jim Beam – 1.5/5 stars
A little oaken/pine beginnings with mild baked vanilla overtones, wrapped in a mocha tortilla. JB ends with a solid bottle rocket of magic, a cornucopia of charred bacon, musk and chipotle. Jim Beam isn’t a very good date, he seems logical at first if you want to show up at a bourgeois party and not look like an asshole (see above choices). He’s the only one that makes you look not unrefined. Grab him for looks only, and if you are going to a crappy party, but try and high-tail it outta there and get some Ancient Age or some better shit or your dignity.
Makers Mark – 4/5 stars
If you just got paid and want to splurge on a decent, higher end bourbon go with MM. I compare good old Mark to the guy(s) from all those shitty commercials out capitalizing on being the most interesting man in the world (a la; Old Spice/Tecate); although I don’t fall for their corny marketing ploy, I get it. But Mark is the real deal, if you were a woman, he would be long-dicking you before you could finish saying Mar-. Crisp fall apple beginning followed by subtle piratesque oceanic/wooden plank middles, ending with a grilled coconut/eucalyptus experience!
Old Grand Dad – 4.5/5 stars
I guess “daddy knows best,” some may say, and I would have to agree. Not all places have daddy, but if your local liquor establishment knows their classics they will carry this fine beverage (If not Rite Aid carries it). Be careful with this one, trust me. Its good paired with hard drugs and at least 2 girls. If you are with other guys try and ditch them some how, if all goes planned you will have a great night. Tell the girls that the guys hanging around you got really high one night and fucked each other and one gave the other herpes, just make something up and shake them. Daddy hits you like a brick, with a pungent cedar beginning and middle, then railroads you with an oaken finish that makes you wince and proclaim “oh god!” Hopefully they will be saying that too as you 3 or 4 do your thing.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The GOP were trying to protect their own
Dick Valentine – This is where we are tonight. Everybody under surveillance from a satellite. You can be the first one on your block to die.
Today I found out from Kathy Griffin that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has ended. She didn’t call me, we don’t even know each other. I follow her Twitter feed. Not because I think she’s funny but simply I find her sexy, visually.
Basically I am hoping for the day we can have sex. Not just any sex but I want her to beat the shit out of me, black eyes, jam strange things up my butt, choke me out with a timing belt, I mean really hurt me. I think its because I assume she has the capabilities to do so. A lonely man can dream can’t he?
Enough kudos to her and for her, I really want to elaborate on why the GOP should be thrilled that gays can now serve in the military, because they should have promoted second class citizens like homos to go into the army all along. Historically gays are the only unique exception for military inclusion. Blacks, Indians and even illegal immigrants get to go into the army and take a shrapnel for the team. Why not they gays? Such a wacky world. So much for military exclusivity now that Obama is actually ruining earth starting with the military.
Let me clarify, gays are only second class because only the traditionalist generation votes, not because of any personal bigotry I hold towards them. If any of you follow me then you know I hate the Mormons, Catholics, Jews, Maidu Indians (in fact all Indians but I hate the Maidu the most), single unwed mothers, divorced mothers, mothers, women, people on welfare, half black half white people, Bangladeshis, all Arabs including Iranians, communists, anarchists, nouveau hippies, and hipsters. Other than those demographics I don’t really care what you are. Never the gays.
I think if the GOP in the millionaires club were presented with several reasons why gays should be included in the military years ago, we probably would have won Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, the Bay of Pigs, and possibly the Homeric failure of the FBI’s Fast and Furious program. It must be a hard dick to swallow knowing that if gays were included in any of these operations the US wouldn’t be seen as such fags that can’t even be violent right.
The first reason I would present to the GOP for gays in the military is during wartime gays could probably ass-rape their enemies way fucking harder than a non gay ass raper raping his enemies. Thus demoralizing the enemy. Imagine the ass rape contests between straights and gays behind enemy lines.
Second, hire gays that have AIDS. This has been an effective weapon of war in Africa. Soldiers that know they are infected with the virus knowingly rape their victims, giving them AIDS. Not a bad idea to rape Arabs including Iranians in the butt, spreading a non curable disease to a permanent enemy. Introducing AIDS into the Arab world including Iranians would change demographics and migration and terrorist patterns. And Merck’s stock would skyrocket.
The third reason why the GOP should have considered gays in the military a long time ago is, the introduction of glory holes in the port o-potties, bunkers, and submarines proving a safe sexual outlet. Everyone loves a good old fashioned glory hole. Since overturning DADT the GOP are drafting a non-binding resolution to rename glory holes to victory holes in commemoration.
Fourth, if the GOP in Congress aren’t all total gay ass closet fags then they would appreciate more gays dying in several total bullshit wars. Is a gay dying in a meaningless war better than one dying in a useful war? Yes. You’d think the GOP would recruit only gays to fight in Afghanistan, Iraq and Vietnam. But then again if they’re all closet fags, they’re definitely protecting their own. The jig is up.
Five, the GOP can single handedly revive CD sales of country music. A recent survey notes that people who listen to country music can’t figure out how to download music. I just spoke with Toby Kieth’s manager and he’s already in the studio dedicating a whole album to revoking Don’t ask Don’t Tell. Conversely no one will ever download Toby Kieth’s album.
Finally, Mitt Romney can gang bang his colleagues without having to dip into his PAC funds. Just be careful Mitt, play rape can easily turn into real rape.
We all love a gay, its time they get a couple head shots along with the straights in the military.
Kathy Griffin call me. Toby Kieth eat a dick. GOP I’d say eat a dick but there’s enough evidence out there that you choke on some serious cocks already. Also GOP I feel sorry for you, it must be hard if you actually do listen to your constituency and your gay.
semper erectus
Today I found out from Kathy Griffin that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has ended. She didn’t call me, we don’t even know each other. I follow her Twitter feed. Not because I think she’s funny but simply I find her sexy, visually.
Basically I am hoping for the day we can have sex. Not just any sex but I want her to beat the shit out of me, black eyes, jam strange things up my butt, choke me out with a timing belt, I mean really hurt me. I think its because I assume she has the capabilities to do so. A lonely man can dream can’t he?
Enough kudos to her and for her, I really want to elaborate on why the GOP should be thrilled that gays can now serve in the military, because they should have promoted second class citizens like homos to go into the army all along. Historically gays are the only unique exception for military inclusion. Blacks, Indians and even illegal immigrants get to go into the army and take a shrapnel for the team. Why not they gays? Such a wacky world. So much for military exclusivity now that Obama is actually ruining earth starting with the military.
Let me clarify, gays are only second class because only the traditionalist generation votes, not because of any personal bigotry I hold towards them. If any of you follow me then you know I hate the Mormons, Catholics, Jews, Maidu Indians (in fact all Indians but I hate the Maidu the most), single unwed mothers, divorced mothers, mothers, women, people on welfare, half black half white people, Bangladeshis, all Arabs including Iranians, communists, anarchists, nouveau hippies, and hipsters. Other than those demographics I don’t really care what you are. Never the gays.
I think if the GOP in the millionaires club were presented with several reasons why gays should be included in the military years ago, we probably would have won Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, the Bay of Pigs, and possibly the Homeric failure of the FBI’s Fast and Furious program. It must be a hard dick to swallow knowing that if gays were included in any of these operations the US wouldn’t be seen as such fags that can’t even be violent right.
The first reason I would present to the GOP for gays in the military is during wartime gays could probably ass-rape their enemies way fucking harder than a non gay ass raper raping his enemies. Thus demoralizing the enemy. Imagine the ass rape contests between straights and gays behind enemy lines.
Second, hire gays that have AIDS. This has been an effective weapon of war in Africa. Soldiers that know they are infected with the virus knowingly rape their victims, giving them AIDS. Not a bad idea to rape Arabs including Iranians in the butt, spreading a non curable disease to a permanent enemy. Introducing AIDS into the Arab world including Iranians would change demographics and migration and terrorist patterns. And Merck’s stock would skyrocket.
The third reason why the GOP should have considered gays in the military a long time ago is, the introduction of glory holes in the port o-potties, bunkers, and submarines proving a safe sexual outlet. Everyone loves a good old fashioned glory hole. Since overturning DADT the GOP are drafting a non-binding resolution to rename glory holes to victory holes in commemoration.
Fourth, if the GOP in Congress aren’t all total gay ass closet fags then they would appreciate more gays dying in several total bullshit wars. Is a gay dying in a meaningless war better than one dying in a useful war? Yes. You’d think the GOP would recruit only gays to fight in Afghanistan, Iraq and Vietnam. But then again if they’re all closet fags, they’re definitely protecting their own. The jig is up.
Five, the GOP can single handedly revive CD sales of country music. A recent survey notes that people who listen to country music can’t figure out how to download music. I just spoke with Toby Kieth’s manager and he’s already in the studio dedicating a whole album to revoking Don’t ask Don’t Tell. Conversely no one will ever download Toby Kieth’s album.
Finally, Mitt Romney can gang bang his colleagues without having to dip into his PAC funds. Just be careful Mitt, play rape can easily turn into real rape.
We all love a gay, its time they get a couple head shots along with the straights in the military.
Kathy Griffin call me. Toby Kieth eat a dick. GOP I’d say eat a dick but there’s enough evidence out there that you choke on some serious cocks already. Also GOP I feel sorry for you, it must be hard if you actually do listen to your constituency and your gay.
semper erectus
Monday, September 19, 2011
New media and (f)adspace
Editor’s Note: This isn’t a very popular website. In fact it sucks pure shit. The layout is amateur and the content is filthy and depraved, and the content that isn’t gross is poetry.
To be honest I figured Hustler would have contacted me by now to write sadistic and perverse stories about hitting on my cousins during the holidays over some Christmas sandwiches and then hardcore fucking without a condom on in her car only to blow my load on the E brake, their tits and jean miniskirts, then wiping my dick off with the paper bag my tall boy came in. My first threesome was with my cousins.
The minimal amount of traffic it receives comes largely from me and the two other writers that contribute to the site and roughly three or four fans we don’t know about. According to Google Analytics it literally receives three to ten hits a day. Not exactly a powerhouse, certainly not enough to create interest from any party or advertising agency in the world. I’d like to make money, lots of it, I’d advertise on the site.
Well my bad luck has turned to good luck or so it seemed, Language Abuse was about to sell out to some Eurosmuut company for literally tens of dollars a year. things didn’t pan out. Please read the email below,
Hi Languageabuse.com,
I work for _____; a UK based Digital Marketing Company.
We represent clients interested in social media marketing on smaller sites with little or no existing advertising and we’re currently looking for advertising partners.
We pay a fixed upfront annual fee which we will agree on with you. Once the ad is in place, payment is made within approximately 48 hours.
Would you be interested in placing a small text-based ad on Languageabuse.com?
Kind regards,
Language Abuse – I need more details.
Hi Liam,
It is great to hear from you!
We have a client from the Online gaming, Finance, telecommunications, tourism, fashion, aviation, education or health that I think would be a good fit to both your site and your readership’s interests. I will be happy to provide you more details regarding this client once you have reviewed my proposal.
Basically what we have in mind is to sponsor a new page or post on your site.
Our team of content writers will create an entirely new page that will be tailored to fit with the current content of the site. We will make sure that you agree with how the new page has been put together before asking you to place it live on your site.
We would offer you 180 USD a year for this kind of advertisement.
We pay for a year of advertising upfront. We also aim to complete payment via secure payment partners Paypal or Moneybookers in as soon as 48 hours of the advert going live on your site.
You may also read our terms and conditions here: _____
Once you agree to continue we will be glad to send you the text details on the advert of your choice for your review.
Let me know if you are interested Liam. If you have any questions please feel free to let me know as well.
I look forward to your response and many thanks!
Best regards,
Language Abuse – I’m going with a more lucrative hard core porn advertisment. They suit Language Abuses niche better. They are able to provide titty fist fucking action shots and shit and piss play with glory holes for blind people. But thanks for your interest. If you are able to pay me $5,000 personally and offer to provide assholes shitting and children blowing their parents dormant turds on my site then we can make a deal. But I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass.
Hi Liam,
I understand, thank you for replying to me. If you change your mind or if an opportunity for business comes up please feel free to send me an e-mail. Just as well, if you or your friends have other sites that accommodate text-based advertising, I’d be really grateful if you could send me a list for review.
Thank you again and I wish you all the best for the future.
To be honest I figured Hustler would have contacted me by now to write sadistic and perverse stories about hitting on my cousins during the holidays over some Christmas sandwiches and then hardcore fucking without a condom on in her car only to blow my load on the E brake, their tits and jean miniskirts, then wiping my dick off with the paper bag my tall boy came in. My first threesome was with my cousins.
The minimal amount of traffic it receives comes largely from me and the two other writers that contribute to the site and roughly three or four fans we don’t know about. According to Google Analytics it literally receives three to ten hits a day. Not exactly a powerhouse, certainly not enough to create interest from any party or advertising agency in the world. I’d like to make money, lots of it, I’d advertise on the site.
Well my bad luck has turned to good luck or so it seemed, Language Abuse was about to sell out to some Eurosmuut company for literally tens of dollars a year. things didn’t pan out. Please read the email below,
Hi Languageabuse.com,
I work for _____; a UK based Digital Marketing Company.
We represent clients interested in social media marketing on smaller sites with little or no existing advertising and we’re currently looking for advertising partners.
We pay a fixed upfront annual fee which we will agree on with you. Once the ad is in place, payment is made within approximately 48 hours.
Would you be interested in placing a small text-based ad on Languageabuse.com?
Kind regards,
Language Abuse – I need more details.
Hi Liam,
It is great to hear from you!
We have a client from the Online gaming, Finance, telecommunications, tourism, fashion, aviation, education or health that I think would be a good fit to both your site and your readership’s interests. I will be happy to provide you more details regarding this client once you have reviewed my proposal.
Basically what we have in mind is to sponsor a new page or post on your site.
Our team of content writers will create an entirely new page that will be tailored to fit with the current content of the site. We will make sure that you agree with how the new page has been put together before asking you to place it live on your site.
We would offer you 180 USD a year for this kind of advertisement.
We pay for a year of advertising upfront. We also aim to complete payment via secure payment partners Paypal or Moneybookers in as soon as 48 hours of the advert going live on your site.
You may also read our terms and conditions here: _____
Once you agree to continue we will be glad to send you the text details on the advert of your choice for your review.
Let me know if you are interested Liam. If you have any questions please feel free to let me know as well.
I look forward to your response and many thanks!
Best regards,
Language Abuse – I’m going with a more lucrative hard core porn advertisment. They suit Language Abuses niche better. They are able to provide titty fist fucking action shots and shit and piss play with glory holes for blind people. But thanks for your interest. If you are able to pay me $5,000 personally and offer to provide assholes shitting and children blowing their parents dormant turds on my site then we can make a deal. But I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass.
Hi Liam,
I understand, thank you for replying to me. If you change your mind or if an opportunity for business comes up please feel free to send me an e-mail. Just as well, if you or your friends have other sites that accommodate text-based advertising, I’d be really grateful if you could send me a list for review.
Thank you again and I wish you all the best for the future.
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